Taking the Games Out of Relationships

People don’t want to be with others who are pining away for them, willing to sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self-esteem just to go along out of fear of rocking the boat or losing the relationship. Nobody truly wants a doormat. Being The One means you do not settle. You refuse to settle because you know your worth. You refuse to manipulate just to get what you want by deception of any kind; you have too much integrity to lower yourself by playing manipulation games. You have too much self-love to sacrifice your truth. You have too much self-honesty to keep quiet out of fear. You care too much for the other as an equal member of the human race to even consider asking him to sacrifice his truth just to please you. If there are difficulties in the relationship, you must sit down together and share from your hearts everything that is upsetting to you, with each person receiving equal time on center stage to share his feelings, and with a shared desire to come to a mutually agreeable solution. If you have tried many times to work it out, and you genuinely feel that there is no relationship left that resembles the kind you really desire and deserve, then peacefully walk out of the relationship. Then you can both attract new partners who you can have a mutually satisfying relationship with. Show your real feelings. State your real feelings. If you’re not sure of your real feelings, simply say so. If you feel scared, it’s okay to say that. This openness creates a platform for authentic intimacy, in which it is safe to share your truth. The other person might very well react with relief because you have the courage to be real instead of hiding behind a fa’ade, pretending to be what you think you’re supposed to be in order to gain approval. If you think you have to put on an act or cover up your true self, then it’s time to ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Usually the answer is that you’re afraid the real you is not lovable. To counter that, be who you really are. If you make truth the rule of thumb on all levels, you cannot go wrong. If you need more solitude, simply say so. If you would like to see the other person more, it’s okay to say, “I have such an awesome time with you. It would be great if I could see you more.” Then, trust your instincts about the response you get. If the other person is swamped, then understand. If you’re picking up signals that you sense are nonsense, then honor what your smart intuition is telling you, and get busy with your own life, with zero complaints. Someone can be busy but still call. Someone can be out of town and still send flowers. Someone who really cares shows it. Moreover, when you really care about you, you can show it to yourself by the excitement you put into your own life, and by sharing your activities with the other person when you do get together. Stop worrying so much if you are “getting it right.” Be your shining self. Stop worrying if you are going to “mess everything up.” Be honest. Stop worrying about who should be chasing whom. Share your authentic self. Stop settling for less than you deserve. State what you prefer. Stop compromising your integrity. Deal truthfully with the other person on all levels. Stop wasting your time trying to capture the other person. Let your life purpose capture you. Stop being the string along. Honor every feeling you have, and dare to be true to you.