MONSTER..

the monster is back..! natatakot na nmn ako kc ksama ko na nman yung monster.. i can't sleep well, i cant eat well, hnd din ako makakilos ng maayos kc bka kung ano na nmn yung gawin skin.. after 10-11 years, ng flash back na naman lhat ng gnwa nya.. every time na nkikita ko sya naaalala ko lhat.. everytime na nandito sya sa house, monster tlga pinapakita nya.. pinatawad ko na xa pero so hard to forget those bad memories that happened years ago.. i hope this time,, tigilan nya na ko.. tigilan nya na yung pagiging monster nya sa life ko.. i dont want make things complicated again.. so help me GOD..

Liar..

Bkit kailangan mong mgsinungaling and hide things from me.. sobrang bait ko sau, ilang beses na kitang binigyan ng chance pero sinayang mo lng lahat.. lahat ng pwde kong gawin and ibigay sau gnwa ko pero bkit hnd mo kyang maging honest and faithful skin.. yeah right wala tayong commitment kya cguro iniisip mo na u can do everything you want, flirting with bitches and make lies.. pero u'r so unfair.. pilit kong kinakalimutan si loi just for u.. iniiwasan ko na sya just for u.. hnd ako ngpapaligaw sa iba or nkkpg flirt sa iba just for you.. pero bkit hnd mo magawang maging honest.. ilang beses na kitang nahuling ng lie skin pero pinalagpas ko lng yun. kht minsan na fefeel ko na iba tlga tingin mo skin ok lng skin.. i hate you.. i really hate you.. nung bday mo, u cant blame me for ruinned your day.. hnd ko lng tlga kc matiis na ginagago mo ko.. kaya pla everytym na icheck ko fb mo then may nakikita me na hnd maganda eh nagagalit ka kc guilty ka.. ung tungkol ky kathy, yeah ex mo xa pero bkit kailangan hide mo skin na ngpunta ka dun and sabi pa ng girl pinapupunta mo rin daw xa sa inyo.. bkit mark..?? kaya pla super inis ka kc nabubuking kita.. bkit kba ganyan skin.. kya ang hirap mgtiwala sau kc gnyan ka.. kya hnd u me masisi kun bkit lgi me nagagalit sau, lgi tyo ngaaway kc liar ka.. pilit kong iniintindi ka pero ang hirap eh.. ang hirap mgpa gago and maging martyr.. nagwa ko na mging martyr dati with my ex pero yoko na.. right decision na rin cguro na matapos na ung type ng relasyon na naging meron tyo, no commitment pero my M.U.. ayoko na mark.. hnd ko na matiis lhat ng png gagago mo skin. pero thank you kc naging part ka ng life ko.. ikaw ng help skin pra makalimutan si loi, ikaw ung taong nkakausap ko pg my problems ako.. thank you kc naging happy ako sau.. sa totoo lng nasasaktan ako sa ngyari stin.. wala na tyong communication since na ngaway tyo nun bday mo.. nsaktan lng ako kc na fall ako.. nasaktan ako kc kht konti my love na.. naging special ka skin.. kau ng sister mo.. thanks for all the memories guys..

All i want is PEACE OF MIND..

im so tired of being alone, bitterness, hopeless and frustrations.. all i want is peace of mind..

nakakasawa na ung ganitong pakiramdam.. i want something new.. new life.. i want to forget bad memories.. that making my life useless and worthless.. gusto ko ng kalimutan ung mga taong walang nadudulot skin ng maganda lalo na pagdating sa love.. nagsasawa na ko,nakakasawa na.. ayoko na gusto ko ng matapos lahat ng pain, sorrow.. gusto kong ma refresh.. i want to forget everything, i want to forget YOU..

Please help me to forget you, my feelings for u.. im so tired.. i want peace of mind,, i want new life without you..

im still inlove with you..

Jan. 22 i hangout with my highschool friends somewhere in qc.. it's a swimming party.. lots of fun.. i met new friends..

Around 4:20am, i checked my fone and i saw missed calls.. it's LOI.. nagulat ako kc bkit sya tumatawag ng ganung oras. then tumawag sya ulet.. nasan daw ako kc maingay un background ko.. sbi ko im with my friends.. kya pla gising pa xa that time kc galing din xa sa anniversary ng org. nila.. akala nya kun sino na nmn daw kasama ko.. sbi ko sa knya eh di sumunod ka kun gusto mo.. tpos sbi nya pupunta raw xa.. at first hnd me naniwala kc puro lng nmn xa salita.. then sbi nya pupunta raw tlga xa.. pumunta nga xa.. ngkita kmi ulet.. pinakilala ko xa sa mga friends ko.. u know what guys,, i really dont expect na mgkikita kmi ng biglaan.. he kissed me, na miss nya raw ako and he said na he stiLL love me.. pinagusapan din nmn ung about ky mark.. why do i need daw to lie about mark.. quiet lng ako.. pero cnbi ko nmn sa knya na wala tlga kming commitment ni mark.. bkit daw ako ng eentertain ng iba eh xa raw loyal skin.. nun cnbi nya sin yun tinamaan ako.. but he cant blame me kc xa nmn ngbigay skin ng reason na mgkagusto sa iba.. eventhough ngkagusto me sa iba i still love him,, si loi pa rin until now.. no one can ever replace him from my heart.. im so happy kc ngkaruon ulet kmi ng time.. nun umuwi na ko i realized something,, tama si loi naging loyal xa skin so i need to do the same thing.. i know magbabago rin lahat.. magiging ok rin samin lahat in the right time.. iloveyou still mimim loi.. and i always wiLL..

My wish for new year..

2010??? hmm.. my wish for new year..?? "new LIFE.."
year 2009, for me year na sobrang lungkot, walang kwentang year, tears, pain, sorrow, laging umaasa sa wala, laging umaasa na someday maging ok na lahat, umaasa na sana may taong kaya akong mahalin ng walang alinlangan, umaasa lagi na sana oneday bumalik na xa and hinde na ako iiwan, laging umaasa na sana tuparin nya lahat ng promise nya skin.. ang sakit lang isipin na boung taon umasa ako sa wala.. at this moment,, naiiyak ako hinde ko alam kong ano ba ung nararamdaman ko.. gusto kong umiyak ng sobra, sumigaw ng malakas, dahil until now may pain pa rin coz i still love loi.. last christmas ngusap kmi tinawagan nya ko, nagkamustahan, saying imissyou,, na until now mahal pa rin nmn ung isa't isa.. u know what kun ano mas masakit isipin dun, mahal nya ko mahal ko xa pero hinde kami..

gusto ko na matapos lahat ng pain and lungkot na nararamadaman ko now.. nakikita ng mga friends ko and family na mukha me happy kc lagi me nakikipag biruan sa kanila pero deeep inside sobrang lungkot ko..

sana this coming year 2010 matapos na lahat.. gusto ko naman maging happy, yung totoong happy.. ang hirap mag pretend na masaya sa harap ng ibang tao.. na sana maging maayos na lahat especially samin ni loi.. kahit nagkagusto me sa ibang guy, still si loi pa rin love ko and xa lang ung huling lalaking mamahalin ko ng ganito..

Last Love Letter..

to the person i considered my soulmate.. when you came into my life, i told myself i would love you and never gonna hurt you.. you were my bestfriend, my love, my everything.. till one day you said," i cant stay with you any longer.." i refuse to believe you at first but when i look in your eyes, it spells out the truth about how you really feel inside.. u can't even look straight into my eyes.. my life has changed at that very moment.. i just found myself on bended knees,, yelling.." why..?!" i was down completely.. saying goodbyes, i knew it but i cant accept it.. the kiss, whisper, embrace.. it was the last..we always thought our love was enough for us to last.. i know you're happy now wherever you are.. its a year now since we broke up, this has been the longest year of my life, the most painful part of my life, flashing back those memories we shared, hugs and kisses, promises we made, tears and emotions.. the sadness of the nights brings back the days/time we shared.. the time you let go of me and the moment i surrendered you.. even silence reminds me of all the sorrow, the pain and my hopelessness.. but i forgive you and im setting you free.. "KUNG TALAGANG TAYO PARA SA ISA'T ISA, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN KAHIT GANO PA TAYO KATAGAL MAGHIHIWALAY MAGIGING TAYO PARIN IN THE END.." hear me say this,, "i have found the essence of my life, i have discovered a world that's beautiful, because of you.."

those memories,, thank you..

- miMimTIN

thank's to you..

Have you ever noticed that when you are in love, you always go around with a smile on your face? Indeed, love brings immense happiness to the lives of those who are experiencing it. True love brings up everything , you're allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily..

4 months ago, i met mark ryan gutierrez.. nkasama ko sya sa work as private duty nurse in a old male patient who is suffering amyotrophic lateral sclerosis but unfortunately he past away last september.. the first time we had a date it was so memorable experience i ever had in my whole life.. the experience that make's me feel crazy.. lols.. mark is so sweet, love to cook, mahilig kmi kumain, moody and friendly especially to girls and "bitches" (duh..?!).. ahaha,, i met his family and friends in malolos bulacan.. they're all nice and fun to be with.. Mark is pikon nagagalit skin yan pg binabara ko xa, moody and minsan my topak..

The relationship we had right now is kinda complicated.. yeah we go out, hangout with his friends, sweet sweetan but hanggang dun lng.. mahirap kc ang commitment esp. sa situation/set up namin.. but mark always make me feel happy. he help me to forget my past bad memories with my ex bf.. and effective xa ha infairness.. lols.. gusto kong tinititigan face nya ng hnd nya alam.. and when im looking at his face I know marami xa tinatago skin.. secrets and everything.. I know and I feel it.. sorry but I don’t trust him that much.. i like him, I adore him but I don’t know if I love him.. coz he always make me feel na hnd lng ako ang girl sa life nya now.. that’s why it so hard for me to get serious sa relationship we had right now.. sa mga nexperience ko kc before sa mga past failed relationship is super hirap mg trust and ma inlove ulit.. I know nmn na hnd pa rin tlga xa ready to commit coz sa lifestyle nya now parang lahat gusto nya maranasan and I cant blame him in doing so.. yeah I get jealous when I saw pictures na puro girls kasama nya but I don’t have any right na pagbawalan xa coz we’re not committed.. but although ganito kmi I respect him so much..

Hi mark,
Thank you for everything. Thank you for making my life happy again.. thank you coz when I have a problem you always there to listen and give advice. . thank you coz I know kht minsan badboy ka there’s still a good side of you.. but I know naman everything about us hinde mgatatagal.. pero im willing naman to take care of you.. I respect you and for sure naman u feel it naman.. malapit na christmas gift ko.. ahaha,, mwaaaaahhugs BOGS..