My wish for new year..

2010??? hmm.. my wish for new year..?? "new LIFE.."
year 2009, for me year na sobrang lungkot, walang kwentang year, tears, pain, sorrow, laging umaasa sa wala, laging umaasa na someday maging ok na lahat, umaasa na sana may taong kaya akong mahalin ng walang alinlangan, umaasa lagi na sana oneday bumalik na xa and hinde na ako iiwan, laging umaasa na sana tuparin nya lahat ng promise nya skin.. ang sakit lang isipin na boung taon umasa ako sa wala.. at this moment,, naiiyak ako hinde ko alam kong ano ba ung nararamdaman ko.. gusto kong umiyak ng sobra, sumigaw ng malakas, dahil until now may pain pa rin coz i still love loi.. last christmas ngusap kmi tinawagan nya ko, nagkamustahan, saying imissyou,, na until now mahal pa rin nmn ung isa't isa.. u know what kun ano mas masakit isipin dun, mahal nya ko mahal ko xa pero hinde kami..

gusto ko na matapos lahat ng pain and lungkot na nararamadaman ko now.. nakikita ng mga friends ko and family na mukha me happy kc lagi me nakikipag biruan sa kanila pero deeep inside sobrang lungkot ko..

sana this coming year 2010 matapos na lahat.. gusto ko naman maging happy, yung totoong happy.. ang hirap mag pretend na masaya sa harap ng ibang tao.. na sana maging maayos na lahat especially samin ni loi.. kahit nagkagusto me sa ibang guy, still si loi pa rin love ko and xa lang ung huling lalaking mamahalin ko ng ganito..

Last Love Letter..

to the person i considered my soulmate.. when you came into my life, i told myself i would love you and never gonna hurt you.. you were my bestfriend, my love, my everything.. till one day you said," i cant stay with you any longer.." i refuse to believe you at first but when i look in your eyes, it spells out the truth about how you really feel inside.. u can't even look straight into my eyes.. my life has changed at that very moment.. i just found myself on bended knees,, yelling.." why..?!" i was down completely.. saying goodbyes, i knew it but i cant accept it.. the kiss, whisper, embrace.. it was the last..we always thought our love was enough for us to last.. i know you're happy now wherever you are.. its a year now since we broke up, this has been the longest year of my life, the most painful part of my life, flashing back those memories we shared, hugs and kisses, promises we made, tears and emotions.. the sadness of the nights brings back the days/time we shared.. the time you let go of me and the moment i surrendered you.. even silence reminds me of all the sorrow, the pain and my hopelessness.. but i forgive you and im setting you free.. "KUNG TALAGANG TAYO PARA SA ISA'T ISA, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN KAHIT GANO PA TAYO KATAGAL MAGHIHIWALAY MAGIGING TAYO PARIN IN THE END.." hear me say this,, "i have found the essence of my life, i have discovered a world that's beautiful, because of you.."

those memories,, thank you..

- miMimTIN

thank's to you..

Have you ever noticed that when you are in love, you always go around with a smile on your face? Indeed, love brings immense happiness to the lives of those who are experiencing it. True love brings up everything , you're allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily..

4 months ago, i met mark ryan gutierrez.. nkasama ko sya sa work as private duty nurse in a old male patient who is suffering amyotrophic lateral sclerosis but unfortunately he past away last september.. the first time we had a date it was so memorable experience i ever had in my whole life.. the experience that make's me feel crazy.. lols.. mark is so sweet, love to cook, mahilig kmi kumain, moody and friendly especially to girls and "bitches" (duh..?!).. ahaha,, i met his family and friends in malolos bulacan.. they're all nice and fun to be with.. Mark is pikon nagagalit skin yan pg binabara ko xa, moody and minsan my topak..

The relationship we had right now is kinda complicated.. yeah we go out, hangout with his friends, sweet sweetan but hanggang dun lng.. mahirap kc ang commitment esp. sa situation/set up namin.. but mark always make me feel happy. he help me to forget my past bad memories with my ex bf.. and effective xa ha infairness.. lols.. gusto kong tinititigan face nya ng hnd nya alam.. and when im looking at his face I know marami xa tinatago skin.. secrets and everything.. I know and I feel it.. sorry but I don’t trust him that much.. i like him, I adore him but I don’t know if I love him.. coz he always make me feel na hnd lng ako ang girl sa life nya now.. that’s why it so hard for me to get serious sa relationship we had right now.. sa mga nexperience ko kc before sa mga past failed relationship is super hirap mg trust and ma inlove ulit.. I know nmn na hnd pa rin tlga xa ready to commit coz sa lifestyle nya now parang lahat gusto nya maranasan and I cant blame him in doing so.. yeah I get jealous when I saw pictures na puro girls kasama nya but I don’t have any right na pagbawalan xa coz we’re not committed.. but although ganito kmi I respect him so much..

Hi mark,
Thank you for everything. Thank you for making my life happy again.. thank you coz when I have a problem you always there to listen and give advice. . thank you coz I know kht minsan badboy ka there’s still a good side of you.. but I know naman everything about us hinde mgatatagal.. pero im willing naman to take care of you.. I respect you and for sure naman u feel it naman.. malapit na christmas gift ko.. ahaha,, mwaaaaahhugs BOGS..

it's not gonna work out..

i hate him for taking me for granted.. for not even bothering to prove to me his love.. i hate him because he always hurt me.. i cried so hard for being so damn alone.. he doesn't even think of my happiness.. he never bother to show me his love.. although he told me that he love me.. i'm afraid that those words are just lies.. i don't know what i need to do.. i'm so scared of losing him.. i love him so much.. but it hurts me inside..

Taking the Games Out of Relationships

People don’t want to be with others who are pining away for them, willing to sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self-esteem just to go along out of fear of rocking the boat or losing the relationship. Nobody truly wants a doormat. Being The One means you do not settle. You refuse to settle because you know your worth. You refuse to manipulate just to get what you want by deception of any kind; you have too much integrity to lower yourself by playing manipulation games. You have too much self-love to sacrifice your truth. You have too much self-honesty to keep quiet out of fear. You care too much for the other as an equal member of the human race to even consider asking him to sacrifice his truth just to please you. If there are difficulties in the relationship, you must sit down together and share from your hearts everything that is upsetting to you, with each person receiving equal time on center stage to share his feelings, and with a shared desire to come to a mutually agreeable solution. If you have tried many times to work it out, and you genuinely feel that there is no relationship left that resembles the kind you really desire and deserve, then peacefully walk out of the relationship. Then you can both attract new partners who you can have a mutually satisfying relationship with. Show your real feelings. State your real feelings. If you’re not sure of your real feelings, simply say so. If you feel scared, it’s okay to say that. This openness creates a platform for authentic intimacy, in which it is safe to share your truth. The other person might very well react with relief because you have the courage to be real instead of hiding behind a fa’ade, pretending to be what you think you’re supposed to be in order to gain approval. If you think you have to put on an act or cover up your true self, then it’s time to ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Usually the answer is that you’re afraid the real you is not lovable. To counter that, be who you really are. If you make truth the rule of thumb on all levels, you cannot go wrong. If you need more solitude, simply say so. If you would like to see the other person more, it’s okay to say, “I have such an awesome time with you. It would be great if I could see you more.” Then, trust your instincts about the response you get. If the other person is swamped, then understand. If you’re picking up signals that you sense are nonsense, then honor what your smart intuition is telling you, and get busy with your own life, with zero complaints. Someone can be busy but still call. Someone can be out of town and still send flowers. Someone who really cares shows it. Moreover, when you really care about you, you can show it to yourself by the excitement you put into your own life, and by sharing your activities with the other person when you do get together. Stop worrying so much if you are “getting it right.” Be your shining self. Stop worrying if you are going to “mess everything up.” Be honest. Stop worrying about who should be chasing whom. Share your authentic self. Stop settling for less than you deserve. State what you prefer. Stop compromising your integrity. Deal truthfully with the other person on all levels. Stop wasting your time trying to capture the other person. Let your life purpose capture you. Stop being the string along. Honor every feeling you have, and dare to be true to you.

Love-Hurts..

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love..

so sad..

i always wanted to fly up high. to go to a place away from everything. from my problems, my fears and everything that makes me think of ending my life. i know i’ve never been a good person in my life. i never been contented in what i have. i always want something new. maybe that is also the reason why i am always being left behind. i used to give everything when i fall inlove. give my full atention to that person. that is the reason why i never had any achievement that my parents can be proud of. i admire. i fall inlove. i gave up everything. and lastly im left behind and hurt. but i dont care. it’smy own fucking routine.