Wednesday, July 22, 2009

One night stand

Myth: if you have sex with someone twice, it is not a one night stand.

Fact: it feels just as bad when the guy doesn't call you after sleeping with you twice as it does when he doesn't call after sleeping with you once.

The lesson here of course is that this day and age, men and women tend to have very different expectations when it comes to relationships, commitment, and most of all, SEX.

A friend recently asked me if she should ever call a guy after having a one night stand with him. My short answer was: NO. Long answer: Absolutely not. A woman must always know going into the situation that she can never have any expectations after sleeping with a guy she just met. She might want to just as much as he does, and want just as little commitment to follow up as he does; but it seems to me that very few woman would be opposed to the man contacting her again. Sex complicates everything. When you start something with a one nighter, you have immediately jumped right into a complicated situation. That's not what most people are looking for. Who knows what the motivation was for a woman to go home with the hottie she met at the bar, but often times the man's motivation was plain and simple: just sex. He doesn't need to follow up with you because to him, he's standing there on the aircraft carrier waving the sign, "Mission Accomplished." Thought you may have thought you wanted the same thing, if there is even an ounce of remorse or hope that he will call you, then i would recommend NOT having a one night stand. When my friend asked me this question, I was curious as to why she wanted to call him again. Did she want to go on a date? Was she looking for a booty call? I don't think she even knew the answer to that question. It can be done- yes, in rare circumstances two people meet and completely click, go home and do the deed, and then go on to start a beautiful relationship. This just doesn't happen all that often.

We all love the chase, we all love anticipation and suspense, we all love to be courted. Our culture is completely socialized into accepting one night stands with no follow up to be the norm, and it is kinda tragic that both men and women have accepted this. It seems to me that everyone can be swept off their feet if the right person comes along, the biggest player at the club. He'll wait a few dates to seal the deal if the girl is worth it. Don't get me wrong, women can be players too and sometimes are just looking to have one night of fun and nothing more. That's great. That's great if it really does end there, if the motivation was purely physical and if there is no remorse about feeling alone after the night is over.

I personally believe that most people would rather be in something committed, that people like companionship and would thrive in a loving relationship. A lot of people are single for whatever reason and being single gets the mind spinning 100 miles an hour about what it wants and doesn't want. We get confused, we get hammered, and we don't always think through every decision we make. No one HAS to have a one night stand- man or woman; and I would like to advise bothmen and women to hold off on the sexin until at least the third date if you want any potential to grow. If not- then go for it, but don't be surprised if someone calls you the next weekend after the bars close looking for one thing. Let me tell you, those calls, or better yet, text messages, get old real fast.

Just some words of wisdom...