My wish for new year..

2010??? hmm.. my wish for new year..?? "new LIFE.."
year 2009, for me year na sobrang lungkot, walang kwentang year, tears, pain, sorrow, laging umaasa sa wala, laging umaasa na someday maging ok na lahat, umaasa na sana may taong kaya akong mahalin ng walang alinlangan, umaasa lagi na sana oneday bumalik na xa and hinde na ako iiwan, laging umaasa na sana tuparin nya lahat ng promise nya skin.. ang sakit lang isipin na boung taon umasa ako sa wala.. at this moment,, naiiyak ako hinde ko alam kong ano ba ung nararamdaman ko.. gusto kong umiyak ng sobra, sumigaw ng malakas, dahil until now may pain pa rin coz i still love loi.. last christmas ngusap kmi tinawagan nya ko, nagkamustahan, saying imissyou,, na until now mahal pa rin nmn ung isa't isa.. u know what kun ano mas masakit isipin dun, mahal nya ko mahal ko xa pero hinde kami..

gusto ko na matapos lahat ng pain and lungkot na nararamadaman ko now.. nakikita ng mga friends ko and family na mukha me happy kc lagi me nakikipag biruan sa kanila pero deeep inside sobrang lungkot ko..

sana this coming year 2010 matapos na lahat.. gusto ko naman maging happy, yung totoong happy.. ang hirap mag pretend na masaya sa harap ng ibang tao.. na sana maging maayos na lahat especially samin ni loi.. kahit nagkagusto me sa ibang guy, still si loi pa rin love ko and xa lang ung huling lalaking mamahalin ko ng ganito..

Last Love Letter..

to the person i considered my soulmate.. when you came into my life, i told myself i would love you and never gonna hurt you.. you were my bestfriend, my love, my everything.. till one day you said," i cant stay with you any longer.." i refuse to believe you at first but when i look in your eyes, it spells out the truth about how you really feel inside.. u can't even look straight into my eyes.. my life has changed at that very moment.. i just found myself on bended knees,, yelling.." why..?!" i was down completely.. saying goodbyes, i knew it but i cant accept it.. the kiss, whisper, embrace.. it was the last..we always thought our love was enough for us to last.. i know you're happy now wherever you are.. its a year now since we broke up, this has been the longest year of my life, the most painful part of my life, flashing back those memories we shared, hugs and kisses, promises we made, tears and emotions.. the sadness of the nights brings back the days/time we shared.. the time you let go of me and the moment i surrendered you.. even silence reminds me of all the sorrow, the pain and my hopelessness.. but i forgive you and im setting you free.. "KUNG TALAGANG TAYO PARA SA ISA'T ISA, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN KAHIT GANO PA TAYO KATAGAL MAGHIHIWALAY MAGIGING TAYO PARIN IN THE END.." hear me say this,, "i have found the essence of my life, i have discovered a world that's beautiful, because of you.."

those memories,, thank you..

- miMimTIN

thank's to you..

Have you ever noticed that when you are in love, you always go around with a smile on your face? Indeed, love brings immense happiness to the lives of those who are experiencing it. True love brings up everything , you're allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily..

4 months ago, i met mark ryan gutierrez.. nkasama ko sya sa work as private duty nurse in a old male patient who is suffering amyotrophic lateral sclerosis but unfortunately he past away last september.. the first time we had a date it was so memorable experience i ever had in my whole life.. the experience that make's me feel crazy.. lols.. mark is so sweet, love to cook, mahilig kmi kumain, moody and friendly especially to girls and "bitches" (duh..?!).. ahaha,, i met his family and friends in malolos bulacan.. they're all nice and fun to be with.. Mark is pikon nagagalit skin yan pg binabara ko xa, moody and minsan my topak..

The relationship we had right now is kinda complicated.. yeah we go out, hangout with his friends, sweet sweetan but hanggang dun lng.. mahirap kc ang commitment esp. sa situation/set up namin.. but mark always make me feel happy. he help me to forget my past bad memories with my ex bf.. and effective xa ha infairness.. lols.. gusto kong tinititigan face nya ng hnd nya alam.. and when im looking at his face I know marami xa tinatago skin.. secrets and everything.. I know and I feel it.. sorry but I don’t trust him that much.. i like him, I adore him but I don’t know if I love him.. coz he always make me feel na hnd lng ako ang girl sa life nya now.. that’s why it so hard for me to get serious sa relationship we had right now.. sa mga nexperience ko kc before sa mga past failed relationship is super hirap mg trust and ma inlove ulit.. I know nmn na hnd pa rin tlga xa ready to commit coz sa lifestyle nya now parang lahat gusto nya maranasan and I cant blame him in doing so.. yeah I get jealous when I saw pictures na puro girls kasama nya but I don’t have any right na pagbawalan xa coz we’re not committed.. but although ganito kmi I respect him so much..

Hi mark,
Thank you for everything. Thank you for making my life happy again.. thank you coz when I have a problem you always there to listen and give advice. . thank you coz I know kht minsan badboy ka there’s still a good side of you.. but I know naman everything about us hinde mgatatagal.. pero im willing naman to take care of you.. I respect you and for sure naman u feel it naman.. malapit na christmas gift ko.. ahaha,, mwaaaaahhugs BOGS..

it's not gonna work out..

i hate him for taking me for granted.. for not even bothering to prove to me his love.. i hate him because he always hurt me.. i cried so hard for being so damn alone.. he doesn't even think of my happiness.. he never bother to show me his love.. although he told me that he love me.. i'm afraid that those words are just lies.. i don't know what i need to do.. i'm so scared of losing him.. i love him so much.. but it hurts me inside..

Taking the Games Out of Relationships

People don’t want to be with others who are pining away for them, willing to sacrifice their truth, integrity, and self-esteem just to go along out of fear of rocking the boat or losing the relationship. Nobody truly wants a doormat. Being The One means you do not settle. You refuse to settle because you know your worth. You refuse to manipulate just to get what you want by deception of any kind; you have too much integrity to lower yourself by playing manipulation games. You have too much self-love to sacrifice your truth. You have too much self-honesty to keep quiet out of fear. You care too much for the other as an equal member of the human race to even consider asking him to sacrifice his truth just to please you. If there are difficulties in the relationship, you must sit down together and share from your hearts everything that is upsetting to you, with each person receiving equal time on center stage to share his feelings, and with a shared desire to come to a mutually agreeable solution. If you have tried many times to work it out, and you genuinely feel that there is no relationship left that resembles the kind you really desire and deserve, then peacefully walk out of the relationship. Then you can both attract new partners who you can have a mutually satisfying relationship with. Show your real feelings. State your real feelings. If you’re not sure of your real feelings, simply say so. If you feel scared, it’s okay to say that. This openness creates a platform for authentic intimacy, in which it is safe to share your truth. The other person might very well react with relief because you have the courage to be real instead of hiding behind a fa’ade, pretending to be what you think you’re supposed to be in order to gain approval. If you think you have to put on an act or cover up your true self, then it’s time to ask yourself what you are so afraid of. Usually the answer is that you’re afraid the real you is not lovable. To counter that, be who you really are. If you make truth the rule of thumb on all levels, you cannot go wrong. If you need more solitude, simply say so. If you would like to see the other person more, it’s okay to say, “I have such an awesome time with you. It would be great if I could see you more.” Then, trust your instincts about the response you get. If the other person is swamped, then understand. If you’re picking up signals that you sense are nonsense, then honor what your smart intuition is telling you, and get busy with your own life, with zero complaints. Someone can be busy but still call. Someone can be out of town and still send flowers. Someone who really cares shows it. Moreover, when you really care about you, you can show it to yourself by the excitement you put into your own life, and by sharing your activities with the other person when you do get together. Stop worrying so much if you are “getting it right.” Be your shining self. Stop worrying if you are going to “mess everything up.” Be honest. Stop worrying about who should be chasing whom. Share your authentic self. Stop settling for less than you deserve. State what you prefer. Stop compromising your integrity. Deal truthfully with the other person on all levels. Stop wasting your time trying to capture the other person. Let your life purpose capture you. Stop being the string along. Honor every feeling you have, and dare to be true to you.

Love-Hurts..

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love..

so sad..

i always wanted to fly up high. to go to a place away from everything. from my problems, my fears and everything that makes me think of ending my life. i know i’ve never been a good person in my life. i never been contented in what i have. i always want something new. maybe that is also the reason why i am always being left behind. i used to give everything when i fall inlove. give my full atention to that person. that is the reason why i never had any achievement that my parents can be proud of. i admire. i fall inlove. i gave up everything. and lastly im left behind and hurt. but i dont care. it’smy own fucking routine.

hANggaNg kaiLan..??

Ngkita na nmn tyo, ngusap.. ngkamustahan.. sabi mo skin miss mo na ko,, miss na din kita.. bkit ganun, inamin ko sau na may nanliligaw na skin at nkipag date na ulit ako sa iba heto ka bigla kang mag seselos ska sabay sabi "hinde ko alam kun bkit ako ganito, nagseselos.." inamin mo pa skin na mahal mo pa rin ako.. heto na nmn ako umasa na namn ulit.. pinapaasa mo na nmn ako loi.. alam mo ba natuwa ako nun nalamn kong mahal mo pa rin pla ako.. kala ko tapos na stin lahat pero bgla mong sinabi ulit skin MAHAL MO PA RIN AKO.. sbi mo skin bkit nkipagdate na ko sa iba eh ikaw hnd mo nmn gingwa un.. nkipagdate ulit ako sa iba dhil inisip ko ayawmo na skin. inisip ko na hnd mo na ko mahal. na tapos na lhat stin. ng try ulit ako na mkipgkilala ulit sa iba dhil gustoko ng tuluyang kalimutan ka..

Pero ngaun heto nnmn tyo, ngtalo.. gusto mong kalimutan ko lhat ng cnbi mo.. bkit loi,, hanggng kylan mo paglalaruan feelings ko?? sana hnd kna lng ulit ngparamdam.. hnd mo na ulit sana cnbi na MAHAL MO PA RIN AKO.. sana hnd na lang ulit mo ko pinaasa na one day mgiging maayos ulit lahat. sinaktan mo na nmn ako loi.. pilit kong kinakalimutan ka.. pero bkit heto ka ginulo mo na nmn isip ko.. pagod na pagod na ko.. ayoko ng umiyak, masaktan ulit ng dahil sau.. im trying to move on and forget our past pero bkit ganito na nmn ulit,, NASASAKTAN na nmn ako.. ng dahil sayo.. wag mo antayin isang araw na bigla na lng tlga ako mawala sau dhil sa lhat ng pain na bnibigay mo skin..

PAGOD NA KO..

wHy i stiLL Love yOu..

Point of View..

Being a Bitch means never being mean to a man, she 's ultra feminine and yet STRONG inside and out.. She simply shows, for the most part, rather than tells. She's independent... walks the walk, talks the talk. She can live with or without a man in her life. She loves and respects herself, and the people around her.

In a nutshell: Stop being the traditional nice girl, bending over backwards for a man, ' jumping through hoops ' (WTF we're no dogs, even dogs get enough love and appreciation). If the man appreciates, loves you and treats you like a Queen, then he definitely deserves to be treated like a King as well. "YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE!" :)
You come first, him second, fitting him into your life when it ' is feasible for you; Using your womanly guile to attract and keep him, but BE YOURSELVES ladies!!!! Men are smart creatures as well * winks...very smart, and beautiful... :p...well they'll know if you're faking anything. "Keep it real!"

One night stand

Myth: if you have sex with someone twice, it is not a one night stand.

Fact: it feels just as bad when the guy doesn't call you after sleeping with you twice as it does when he doesn't call after sleeping with you once.

The lesson here of course is that this day and age, men and women tend to have very different expectations when it comes to relationships, commitment, and most of all, SEX.

A friend recently asked me if she should ever call a guy after having a one night stand with him. My short answer was: NO. Long answer: Absolutely not. A woman must always know going into the situation that she can never have any expectations after sleeping with a guy she just met. She might want to just as much as he does, and want just as little commitment to follow up as he does; but it seems to me that very few woman would be opposed to the man contacting her again. Sex complicates everything. When you start something with a one nighter, you have immediately jumped right into a complicated situation. That's not what most people are looking for. Who knows what the motivation was for a woman to go home with the hottie she met at the bar, but often times the man's motivation was plain and simple: just sex. He doesn't need to follow up with you because to him, he's standing there on the aircraft carrier waving the sign, "Mission Accomplished." Thought you may have thought you wanted the same thing, if there is even an ounce of remorse or hope that he will call you, then i would recommend NOT having a one night stand. When my friend asked me this question, I was curious as to why she wanted to call him again. Did she want to go on a date? Was she looking for a booty call? I don't think she even knew the answer to that question. It can be done- yes, in rare circumstances two people meet and completely click, go home and do the deed, and then go on to start a beautiful relationship. This just doesn't happen all that often.

We all love the chase, we all love anticipation and suspense, we all love to be courted. Our culture is completely socialized into accepting one night stands with no follow up to be the norm, and it is kinda tragic that both men and women have accepted this. It seems to me that everyone can be swept off their feet if the right person comes along, the biggest player at the club. He'll wait a few dates to seal the deal if the girl is worth it. Don't get me wrong, women can be players too and sometimes are just looking to have one night of fun and nothing more. That's great. That's great if it really does end there, if the motivation was purely physical and if there is no remorse about feeling alone after the night is over.

I personally believe that most people would rather be in something committed, that people like companionship and would thrive in a loving relationship. A lot of people are single for whatever reason and being single gets the mind spinning 100 miles an hour about what it wants and doesn't want. We get confused, we get hammered, and we don't always think through every decision we make. No one HAS to have a one night stand- man or woman; and I would like to advise bothmen and women to hold off on the sexin until at least the third date if you want any potential to grow. If not- then go for it, but don't be surprised if someone calls you the next weekend after the bars close looking for one thing. Let me tell you, those calls, or better yet, text messages, get old real fast.

Just some words of wisdom...

After a heartache, what we do is cry, breakdown and act as if it's the end of our life.. The condition that goes with us is to never love again, to resist hurt.. We let time fly by, believing that it can heal our wounds.. That's what we think.. But the truth behind this that people can't see is that,, TIME CAN'T HEAL HEARTACHES, BUT A NEW LOVER WILL DO.. It's just the reason that the new love will out reign the past love you are trying to erase..

THANK YOU MIKE..

Foot Fetish..

Why do people have foot fetish..?? Guys with foot fetish will stare at every detail of a women’s feet, from shoes, heels, to the nail polish, the skin, the candle like toes, the newly done pedicure.. Now lets go to the kinky side of the story.. Guys with foot fetish will make out a woman’s foot anytime of the day as if it is were his high school girlfriend. I have nothing against it, in fact im all for it! Well if you didn’t know, giving/receiving a toe job is phenomenal. The first time I tried it I understood why guys love blowjobs.. I remember when I had my first toe job. The guy took me by surprise when he nibbled my left foot like it was some lollipop! I thought it was amazing how he’d look at me and just munch on my toe. That was so good! Now I know how it feels like to have a protruding part of your body be sucked, licked, played with and nibbled.. To feel the roughness and smoothness of the tongue, what a sense of gratification for my toe..!! Most of the time it’s ignored but this time it got noticed and pleasured! It just blew my mind..
To those reading this and are feeling grossed out, well, to lick or not to lick is entirely your prerogative but remember this: “Conquering a woman’s body is not that easy unless you’re a good as a male gigolo.. But one way of doing so is going where no one has gone before. It will be easier to remember your name and associate it with “ the man who gave me a fantastic toe job..! Hint..!
Now that I’ve got you Almost convinced, these are some things to remember..:

• Giving a toe job is the same as giving a blowjob. Licking, sucking, nibbling, darling and swirling of the tongue will put her into ecstasy..
• You can use hot or cold water vas an enhancer, it’s better if the temperature of the tongue compliments the temperature of the foot or toe..
• You can experiment on creams, syrups, or any additives that you can use to make the toe licking more exciting and enjoyable on your part..
• Very important..! make sure her feet are clean before you munch on them..

Have a nice day.. ahaha!!!

Truths and Reality

One of our basic need is Partner in life.. Some of us can't live in this world without a partner, without someone to love.. But once we suffer pain from someone, the word PARTNER dont exist..
I've been through all this.. i suffered pain, so much pain from my 1st and 2nd love.. i cried so many times, every minute every hour.. that time i felt so down and nothing.. that time i felt so useless.. i dont eat, i dont socialize, i dont talk either, i just cried.. I blamed myself, what's wrong about me, where did i go wrong, did my love doesnt enough to make him stay.. during my depression stage, naisip ko na its better to die rather than to suffer so much pain.. coz when i died tpos na lhat.. super stressed.. grabe.. kpag nsa sasakyan me, then naalala ko xa, bigla na lang me malulungkot na namn then tears started to falling down.. i cant get through it..! gusto kong sumigaw, umiyak ng bongang bongga.. kpag nakikita ko mga pix nmn naiiyak na namn ako, kpg naalala ko mga memories we shared, iiyak nnmn ako.. grabe so much pain... pati family ko hnd na ako kyang tulungan dhil they dont know what pain i suffering.. they can only say hnd lang sya lalaki and hnd xa deserving for ur love.. how can i find other love if my life is broken..

But when days, months passing by.. i realized something.. "TIME CAN HEAL.."

For all those things i suffered before, i realized yung buhay ko hnd lang umiikot sa kanya.. now everytime na naiisip ko yung mga ngyari dati natatawa lng ako.. super tanga ko pla.. i've learned a lot.. that when it comes to love,, everything should be balance and love urself first before others..

Guys, for those who suffering pain now from failed relationship,, CHEER UP..!!! marami pa dyan.. yeah i know super depressed kau, parang ayaw nyo na mainlove ulit.. but life is too short.. enjoy each day, every moment of ur life.. now lang yan pain kc fresh pa but when the time comes, little by little maaccept mo rin lhat, mggng ok ka rin.. advise ko lang sa inyo, kung gusto mong umiyak umiyak ka, kung gusto mong sumigaw shout..!!! best therapy din yun ishare mo sa iba prob mo wag mo solohin or kung nahihiya ka, get a piece of paper, isulat mo lhat ng pain, mga nararamdaman mo then sunugin mo or keep it..

STAGE OF MOVING ON..:

D - ENIAL ( u'r in denial, ayaw u pa rin accept or isipin na there's something wrong..)
A - NGER ( galit ka sa knya..)
B - ARGAINING ( iniisip mo na sna hnd na lan ngyari or sana hnd mo na xa minahal..)
D - EPRESSION ( cry, stressed, depressed..)
A - CCEPTANCE ( accept the truth that u'r not meant to be..)

SO GUYS ALWAYS REMEMBER IF U ARE MEANT TO BE MGIGING KAU IN THE END NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN.. LOVE YOU ALL.. MWAHUGS..

ThouGhts..

I have something to share with you guys..

I met a guy a month ago.. he's so funny, jolly, and sweet.. he always make me laugh every time we talk.. especially if the topic is kinda out of this world.. naiinis ako kpg hnd xa ngpaparamdam.. natutuwa ako kpg kinukulit nya ko.. papakasalan nya rw ako.. ahaha..!! naasar ako kpg seryoso xa.. naaasar ako kpg nagiging possessive xa.. i really hate people tlga na so possessive and demanding.. tsk.. bibigyan nya rw ako ng icecream with banana pagbalik nya manila.. hehe,, mahilig dw sya sa balot but now penoy na lan daw.. ahaha!!! he always telling me na nakuha nya rw ung complexion nya with his dad but ung face dw sa mom nya.. naiinis raw xa kc bkit daw walang perfect in this world.. LOLs..!! ahaha,, every time we talked sa fone lagi na lan nya binabanggit ex nya.. hnd na nwala sa topic.. hnd ko nmn tinatanong.. hmmp.. hehe,, mag apply na raw ako for abroad tpos kunin ko rw xa tpos sa bahay lan dw xa kain tulog antay ng sustento.. ang kapal nga!! ahaha!! "sipain pa kita dyan eh.. hihi.." then days passing by, unti unti ko na xa nakilala..

But why i still have this feelings na gusto ko na sya pero ayoko naman.. haaayy.. guys to tell you the truth ayoko ng gngawa nya.. ayokong ma fall and hanap hanapin yung attention na gnagawa and pinapakita nya.. I'M AFRAID TO LOVE AND COMMIT AGAIN.. ayokong magkamali ulit.. after my failed relationship with LOI ayoko na muna ma fall sa iba..

from BITTER to BETTER

We all require certain relationships in our lives. Some, we wish we could avoid, while others it seems we can never get enough of..

Tama nga yung sabi nila,, “TIME CAN HEAL..” I thought after our breakups my world will get miserable, lonely and nothing… Na my life would stop on the day we got separated.. na i can’t live without you.. na i can’t be happy as happy when were still together.. na i can’t fulfill my duties en responsibilities.. na i can’t be happy with other’s company.. but I’M WRONG.. time is a great healer.. after 5 mos of hoping, now it is the right time to have a new life.. dati lagi ko cnasabi sa knila na, hnd ko kaya.. but now, head up, kaya ko na.. i feel better now, happy and contented for being single and without a lover.. tama nga yung sbi nila, you should love yourself first before others.. and when you are in a relationship don’t give 100% of ur love, should be balance so that when he leave you, hnd ganun kasakit.. after my first love dati, yan ang motto ko but when i met you ( you know who you are) nawala yang motto ko co’z dpat daw hnd ganun.. pero mali ka.. nagkamali din ako.. i should learn from my mistakes..

thank’s to you co’z minulat mo ko sa katotohanan and you gave me a lesson na i will never forget for the rest of my life.. now, friends na ulit.. friends na lang talaga..

Why do Men Lie..

I KNOW NOT ALL MEN LIE..!!

I have been in a few relationships that have giving me many sorrows, every time i meet a man, he turns out to be, an inconsiderable and, untruthful prick. I want to write about this, why are men liars, why do men use woman to get what they want, why can’t men say the truth, where are the men in this world, a man is suppose to be gentle with a woman, sweet and caring..a real man wont hurt a woman.. some of my girlfriends told me, that we all should treat others how we want to be treated. But there are so many men out there that act like if they had no blood in their veins.. There are no excuses for a man to lie, if is a man or a woman, when a lie is said, there are other things coming your way, the most important thing in a human being is been truthful.I know that many of us lie now and then, but when it comes to hurting peoples feelings, we need to look out, and think before we hurt others, there’s a thing called KARMA this is so real people,and not only karma but God sees all we do and thats one thing that is very real God pulls away from us when we act in a neklected way, and theres when bad things happen to us. What you do to others be sure it will be done to you sooner or later..why do men have to hurt a womens feelings. They care less, you don’t have the right to mistreat a human being, and play with their heart..if you want to play around and not have a serious relationship, please what can it take, just say the truth…and don’t go lian to get to our pants. I Do not think that there’s a sad excuse in back of a mans action…Integrity is one thing that not all men have..or many of us for that matter.When a man has morals and principles they act in good terms, they consider women, and what they are and mean to society, and what women mean to God. Woman carry a special gift in them that God gave…And thats to carry a human being inside them, men do not have this gift. Women are fragile and then again strong by Gods gift..